These past few weeks, as some energy has returned and my task has been to gradually increase work load to build up tolerance, I’ve come back into my rabbinic work, taking on as much as I can. The problem is that though I tell myself I’m going to gradually increase my work load, there’s always more to do and I just have no idea how to limit myself. So sometimes I overdo it.
The challenge (and blessing) is that I’m at the point where sometimes I really do feel normal. If I had a good night, I wake up in the morning feeling only as groggy as I do because I haven’t yet had my coffee, and the first few hours of the day, sometimes even through late afternoon as long as I take periodic breaks, I wouldn’t know I’ve sustained a brain injury. However, when I forget, or don’t pay attention, or just spend too much time speaking on the phone or in a virtual meeting, everything comes back. The wall of fatigue, the headaches.
I’m told that this is a process of two steps forward and one step back. I have to remind myself of this regularly. And I’ve made a lot of progress.
I just have to keep this progress at the forefront of my thoughts while remembering that in order to keep these improvements coming, I need to stop before the pain sets in, pause, recharge, and continue. I have to keep on pacing myself and remain patient.
When asked how my recovery is going, my response has typically been, I’m recovering slower than I would like, but faster than my physical therapist expected.
To everyone reading, thank you for your support, patience, and love— in the difficult and more challenging moments, you hold me up and give me strength.